May 6, 2022
This podcast episode may ruffle some feathers but hear us out on
this.
Over-protecting our kids can be one of the worst things we can do
for them.
But it’s our job right - to protect our kids. Protect our
kids from harm...
But… this has sort of overflowed into protecting our kids from
being criticized by anyone, from bad grades, from a tough teacher
or coach, from being outside alone… not only do they need these
experiences to learn and grow… but they also need these experiences
so they don’t grow up thinking they are the center of the
world.
In an over-protected situation, any discomfort is immediately
handled for them and life resumes in their protected bubble.
Our kids need to fail, they need to have conflicts so they learn
how to resolve them… they need to be allowed to explore and try new
things on their own because thats how they discover who they are -
separate from us- their parents.
We want our kids to be tough and confident and independent and
happy - and even though it often feels like the way to do that is
to protect them from EVERYTHING and get involved in every conflict…
unless it really is a threat to them… I think we need to step back
and let them learn through these very valuable life experiences
that they need.
Show notes!
This podcast episode may ruffle some feathers but hear us out on
this.
Over-protecting our kids can be one of the worst things we can do
for them.
But it’s our job right - to protect our kids. Protect our
kids from harm...
But… this has sort of overflowed into protecting our kids from
being criticized by anyone, from bad grades, from a tough teacher
or coach, from being outside alone… not only do they need these
experiences to learn and grow… but they also need these experiences
so they don’t grow up thinking they are the center of the
world.
In an over-protected situation, any discomfort is immediately
handled for them and life resumes in their protected bubble.
Our kids need to fail, they need to have conflicts so they learn
how to resolve them… they need to be allowed to explore and try new
things on their own because thats how they discover who they are -
separate from us- their parents.
We want our kids to be tough and confident and independent and
happy - and even though it often feels like the way to do that is
to protect them from EVERYTHING and get involved in every conflict…
unless it really is a threat to them… I think we need to step back
and let them learn through these very valuable life experiences
that they need.
Here are some key points from this episode:
-Why do we do it? It feels right!
We see bad things on the news and we want to protect our kids.
-Examples: getting involved in conflicts at school
Calling parents over little things kids can work out
Switching them out of a class with a tough teacher
Managing their every minute so they don’t have to think or take
care of themselves.
Doing everything for them so they aren’t used to helping out.
-Lindsay talks about where she has gone wrong and right in
this.
-Getting involved with conflicts with other kids.
-“Saving” kids from a touch teacher or coach.
-Keeping up with other families- it’s become a status symbol in a
way. The more you protect your kid, the better you are doing
as a parent.
-Children need to fail- they need to have disagreements with their
friends. This is how they learn. They need to get their
feelings hurt because that is how they manage their
relationships.
-They need to have some freedom and some independence and be
allowed to go outside or explore things that interest them.
That’s how they become confident and figure out who they are.
-They near a clear identity- separate from us- their parents.
If they are our little princesses their whole lives.. they feel
like the center of the universe. Like they can do no wrong
and are perfect. It keeps them meshed with us - something
that’s not healthy as they get older.
-When we overly manage and coddle our kids.. they don’t get any of
these skills. They don’t learn how to navigate someone with a
bad attitude or a harsh teacher. They don’t learn how to cope
with adversity or failure.
-We have learned in these last few years that we have to be double
and durable. We don’t know what life will throw our way and
if we are weak, we crumble and can’t handle it. If we are
constantly having to flex our grit muscles and our toughness
muscles, we can handle turmoil in our lives much better.
And that’s really the best gift we can give our kids.
Happiness, independence, confidence and the life experiences to
know how to manage all of it.
CHEERS to protecting but not overprotecting our kids!