Feb 4, 2022
We’ve all had someone… or
several people in our lives that we think… my gosh if they would
just stop doing this… or start doing that… it would all change.
And that’s what they need… and then we try to change
them.
We see it so clearly so
often we do things like…
Offer them unsolicited tips
and advice
Overly compliment them so
they feel good
Or maybe you tough love
them and really tell them brutally honestly what you think is best
for them.
The problem is… even if you
have the very best intentions, you can’t make someone do something,
even if it’s for their own good because it requires intervening in
their life in a way that often damages the relationship more than
it helps.
We know that for a person
to truly change, they must feel like the change is theirs.
They made the decision and they control it, that’s the only
way it works.
In this episode we are
talking about what you can do to inspire change instead of actively
trying to change someone.
Here are some of the things
Lindsay talks about in this episode…
It’s so hard to see someone
mess up over and over. Or make bad choices
or
If only they would get
their shit together, they would be so much happier.
Here’s the bottom
line:
You can’t make somebody change. You can inspire them to change. You can educate them towards change. You can support them in their change.
But you can’t make them change. It’s stepping on their toes and can hurt your relationship more than help them. Even if you have good intentions.
For a person to truly change, they must feel that the change is theirs, that they chose it, they control it. Otherwise, it loses all its effect.
This
is especially important for people who have
survived trauma or abuse.
Here are a
few ways you can help people…
1. Lead by example - show with your actions rather than advice.
2. Ask questions, good ones!
3. Offer Help Unconditionally
Ultimately, we are each
only capable of changing ourselves.
Here’s the bottom
line:
You can’t make somebody change. You can inspire them to change. You can educate them towards change. You can support them in their change.
XOXO